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Incompetent private detectives Max and Ivan are contacted by the very dull white goods instruction manual writer, Robert R Roberts. He wants them to investigate a series of copycat crimes based on the erotic crime-fiction novels he writes under the pseudonym Scarlett Melange. Their investigation takes them to the Peckam Flower and Vegetable show, where they fear the life of head judge Joaquin Zamorano is in considerable danger. Along the way, they meet the one person on earth who might be more boring than Robert R Roberts - his wife Roberta. Written by and Max Olesker and Ivan Gonzalez Max ...... Max Olesker Ivan ...... Ivan Gonzalez Robert R. Roberts aka Scarlett Melange ...... Jason Watkins Roberta Roberts/Voice of the Audiobook ...... Lolly Adefope Narrator/Malcolm McMichaelmas ...... Lewis MacLeod Joaquin Zamarano/Impish Nutter ...... David Reed Producer: Ben Walker Developed by John Stanley Productions. A Retort production for Ä¢¹½¶ÌÊÓƵ Radio 4, first broadcast in October 2017.